The Greatest Supervillain Team of All Time?

 Going through old comics can unearth some real hidden treasures of forgotten comic lore.  Remember Val Cooper's attorney friend that was set up for Strong Guy's love interest?  Or that Scott Summers and Jean Grey's special song at their wedding was... U2's "One"?

... and then there's these guys:

Look familiar?  I'm guessing "No".  They appeared for a whole two issues in the Northstar limited series back in 1994. 

The Northstar comic run itself was actually not bad - it went into his past, and had some plausible background stories for him, including a stint working with Quebecois separatists that turned him into an accidental hero when he helped them set up a bomb in an unoccupied bus terminal... and then had a bus show up late; his compatriots fled, but he stayed behind to save the people.  And the villain of the series was some rich guy who felt slighted by all the 'heroes' and super-powered people, and was trying to prove a point by framing him for murder, threatening his old acquaintances, and having the assassin Arcade soften him up so that he could personally take down the super-speedy Northstar himself.

The group above worked for Arcade, and were Northstar's penultimate enemies - and they've never appeared before or sense.  Their group doesn't even have a name - but personally, I'd either go with the Vaudevillians or the Motlier Crew, based on insults from Northstar and their erstwhile boss Arcade.  Yeah, even Arcade, the disco-era assassin who loves cheesy pinball games doesn't think much of them!  Fortunately, they were all given names that look like they took almost as much time as their character design (roughly 3.4 seconds), so let's get acquainted... Introducing:

Mister Nice - Some sort of Jack the Ripper weirdo?  He uses a scalpel, and threatens to cut Northstar repeatedly, and has a scar on his face.  He's out fairly quick when Northstar just breaks his arm.

Short Fuse - Goggle-boy in the back.  Yes, that's a garish clock design on his chest, about as subtle as Batman's foe the Clock King.  He actually has some sort of blasting power, but has to charge up first.  He's also very impatient, hence the name, I guess?  He manages to trip on Sadista's dogs' leashes and knock himself out - it's hard to tell if Northstar made it happen, or if he's just stupid (my money's on the latter).

Link - The guy on the left. A refugee from the "Planet of the Apes".  His trademark quote:  "My specialty is damaged goods!"   Your typical feral mutant type.

Barb - The Creature From the Black Lagoon, with 'barbs' it can extend a great distance from its forearms.  It also requires a breathing apparatus, making it absurdly easy to defeat.

Sadista - The cliched dominatrix villainess, who not only uses a whip, but also has two mean dogs. Guardian of Alpha Flight takes a few seconds of her time to defeat her.

I don't know why this very 90s villain team makes me smile.  Is it because I read Northstar #3 for the first time and got to the final page and thought "Man, these guys look crazy!  I can't wait to see how they fit in with Northstar's past in the next issue!" and then learned they were  just some hired goons that no one respected?  Probably.

The bottom line is that they definitely, 100%, need to make a comeback in 2022.  Move over Sinister Six.  Sorry, Brotherhood of Evil Mutants.  Head home, Masters of Evil.  It's time...

FOR THE RISE OF THE VAUDEVILLIANS!